THE HAUNTING OF CAMERON LEGUME

Hello all. I have been absent from Bart Harley Jarvis World and its associated youtube channel for the past few months. Many of my adoring fans have reached out (shoutouts to Ronnic from the Tired Granolla Bar Podcast who is my most famous subscriber disregarding a Jared Leto impersonator) to see what the deal was with me and my lack of posting. I've had the families of fans reaching out and begging me for more blog posts since their sons and daughters are lost in the cosmic soup without a guiding light in their lives. I even had a father tell me that his son took his own life, his sweet little daniel took his own life because I had not posted for days that turned into weeks which turned into months. I'm sorry to that young boy but nothing, not even saving daniel, could have brought me out of my abscond into the limelight again. I had effectively, internally (mentally and chemistry-wise), retired from the podcast game and started to better my life by walking 5 miles a day and lifting huge weights. Instead of paying to use the Joe Rogan Mothership Green Room to record podcasts, I invested in thousands of dollars into weight training equipment (medicine balls, Smith Machine, Dumbbells above 60 pounds of weight, big rocks) and started to work on myself. I cut sugary drinks and fast food out of my diet and switched to a diet consisting fully of NON GMO NON GENE EDITED FULLY KILLED BY ME beef and chicken. I traced the genes of the cows I slaughtered to make sure their genes were never edited by humans ever, These fuckers weren't even selectively bred. I've got so many fucking cows that are relicts of a time past before beef was bred to be big and juicy. This shit tastes like fucking dirt and the best cuts of beef taste slightly better BUT ITS ALL NATURAL BABY! Im the healthiest I have ever been and have been only drinking pedialyte since it is preferred by babies. I trust their judgement when it comes to matters such as these. I did all this for reasons for one large reason, detailed below.

I was having the time of my life and having the best summer of my life (most likely forever of all time). I smoked a lot of cigarillos in that time. Most mornings, I would smoke one in my room while sitting in my beanbag and drink some orange juice. One fateful morning, during my breakfast/contemplation, I was startled by a loud crash that shot out from behind me. I turned around, cigarillo still lit, just as the sound of glass shattering registered in my ears. Glass shards filled the floor, and at the epicenter of the explosion was a once-framed photo of Brady and I. The photo was of us at Halloween as kids. Brady went as a Mac Daddy, and I was Lightning McQueen . I resumed my breakfast, but felt strange for the rest of the day as I played with my Lego Star Wars sets, but something felt amiss. Greatly amiss. Looking back, the morning before this, I had joined the Tired Granolla Bar Podcast as a guest to talk about cancer research being fake. Perhaps this appearance awakened latent psionic energies and ghostly presences that laid trapped inside my house. Perhaps it was just a coincidence . . .

(https://www.google.com/url?sa=i&url=https%3A%2F%2Fforgottenrealms.fandom.com%2Fwiki%2FPsionics&psig=AOvVaw0GKpcKXOH46kJr3-HYwR_6&ust=1761083761989000&source=images&cd=vfe&opi=89978449&ved=0CBYQjRxqFwoTCKjFy73is5ADFQAAAAAdAAAAABAT)

Those of you who know me will know I have a keen fascination with monsters. I buy monster related items constantly on Marketplace and am a Demon on there buying Halloween decorations. I'm a guy who loves Scary witches hands that pop out of candy dishes and spiders that try and kill you to death when you step on a switch at the Halloween store. Its my dream one day to live in a house that is just those types of guys everywhere and I can just be scared by them all day long. It would be so fucking awesome to wake up and have monsters like that jump out at you. I would have a giant mirror on my ceiling and it would display all the god damned monsters that are the best that I have in my room. I would have a contraption that would press on all the buttons at once so they would all scare at once and it would be doubled in the mirror. Thinking of that right now is the craziest thing I have ever imagined in my entire life. In my extensive collection, I have obtained two matching gold berettas with a cross body holster and silver bullets out the damn ass.

I've got so many silver bullets that most of your eyes would pop out of your heads from looking at them if you aren't experienced in this sort of thing like I am.

I couldn't shake the feeling that something was wrong inside the house. It felt like someone was watching me. I did watch Five Nights At Freddys One in anticipation for the new movie and that scared the fuck out of me so that could easily contribute to my general fear and loathing.

This fear led me to start wearing my berettas, named Bart Harley and Jarvis World, and 8 extended magazines filled with silver bullets around the house and to my daily Bucees trips.

You haven't felt freedom until you are flying down the driveway on your street legal dirtbike with a duster jacket flapping in the wind, revealing dual, fully gold berettas with silver bullets on your obliques.

I pity those who try and stop me from flying down the highway like that since it is the greatest thing I have ever felt in my entire life. You can't stop a savage like me from having what I want, wind whipping through my mullet while on the way to Bucess. My religion is Buccist, I believe in Bucess and their texas barbeque sandwiches.

After a few days of wearing my weapons of mass destruction (to Chris Newman and any vampires or werewolves or zombies who I'm not cool with inside my house), the disturbances escalated. My pulse races ( I can count my pulse from feel since I pump blood so hard, its kinda like a superpower you could say) when I think about the night it happened. The day was normal. I would hear strange noises and wake up. I'd then get dressed while avoiding the glass all over the floor and have breakfast. I did my duties and left to conquer the Buccess and the associated people inside like I do every day. Truthfully, the only thing out of the ordinary at this point is that I bought around 7 bussy bars I planned to eat while watching the new Mr Beast video (Beat Neymar, Win $500,000) since I'm one of his strongest soldiers. I am a Beast Maniac. I plan to finance my dream personal haunted mansion by winning one of his games, maybe the new Squid Games season. I plan to harbor a small baby inside my Squid Game costume that I can use to get another life in the game. I could easily get use that baby on the glass panes or something or like tug of war to win easily. The plan is contingent upon me getting a gf and planning a pregnancy to 9 months before I theorize when this mr beats video will come out and also convincing my gf to allow me to have a child with her at 15 years old. I am putting all my eggs into this basket whenever I feel like his video will be out in 9 months.

I was wearing the grocery bags in a contraption I created with a small strap that allowed the bags to bang on my back while being supported by my neck from the front. The strap is tied around my neck which makes it hard to breathe but I have never worried about the safety of my treasures while riding and that's my greatest concern. I'd die for this fucking bucees man I can deal with a slight prolonged loss of oxygen. My throat muscles are going to get strong as fuck and soon I'll be fucking fine. I'm gonna be the strongest person of all time by training like this since the neck is the key to a great build in the views of me and many others. After riding home in almost record time (about 2 minutes off), I untied the grocery bags from the contraption and unspooled the band from around my neck. I walked inside very fast because I was greatly anticipating the new mr beast video like any Acolyte of Beast would. I walked in and set the food and condiments down on my deluxe TV tray next to my La-Z-Boy (genuine). I took a lil duece cause the bumps on the road wreak havoc on my ass and then grabbed a glass and filled that sucker with ice. My mother insisted that it was a vase but I kept reassuring her that it was a glass and was meant for drinks. And I'm drinking drink combos out of it so it's a glass (sorry for the hostility readers my mom was being weak).

I sat down and got ready to go to Church while watchingthe Beast video. In the way that his videos are sermons to me and he is god in a way. It's much more complex than that but that's not what the post is about. I started the video and felt the bass of the subwoofers of my entertainment center rattle the floor. Thankfully, the internal mechanisms (magic?) of the La-Z-Boy absorbed the energy and left me sitting comfortably. I reclined the chair and started to feast upon my glorious gifts from Mr Beast by taking a bite from each of the Bucee bars and chasing them with some nuggets. After I had inhaled about half of my meal, I went to take a big gulp from my large personal glass. I grabbed the glass and lifted. It would not budge, and suddenly grow insanely cold. I let go, scared of what power the drink combo I created might have unknowingly had. (I'm not disclosing the recipe for this reason- with great power comes great responsibility). I stared at the glass, quickly looking for an answer as to what to do. I was eating some of the snacks I had acquired while pondering when the glass left my TV tray at the velocity of the fastest roller coaster in the world, Formula Rosa. It shattered against my Toshiba 72 inch flatscreen (QLED).

The shards of glass flew across the room, and I daresay almost took my life. If I wasn't on such a nice chair, I believe I may have died. I heard the voice of Mr Beast yell from the destroyed TV "I'm gonna kill you Cameron Legume, for killing me" after the glass narrowly missed my throat. I knew at this moment, the spirit of Brady was possessing Mr Beast on the TV to try and revenge kill me. Honestly like wtf bruh. I finished my feast and tried to avoid the glass dust and parts in the food but it was really hard with the pies and barbeque and all the other products I have out so I could be a food scientist and food combo to my heart's desire.

Apparently, I was being haunted by Brady. After I knew this, I had to stop posting and live

life on the offensive against this war I was personally undertaking. My first act in battle was to set up Brady's old tablet with a Mr Beast video as bait. I would lay improvised explosives like firecrackers and smokebombs and fart grenades and fountain fireworks and UFO and Bigfoot themed fireworks aimed the accursed tablet to get rid of his ghost and stop this haunting once and for all. I also test fired my Bart Harley and Jarvis World into the woods behind the house to test my aim and make sure I was battle ready. I hit every can right between the eyes metaphorically to the surprise of no one.

After rigging up the explosives to be fired all at once, I turned on the best God Beast video, "I Built Willy Wonka's Chocolate Factory!" and was ready to strike. The video advanced past the introduction and about 4/19 of the way through before I noticed Brady. I heard a small noise behind me in the recording booth I use to record videos. The small noise grey into a large thumping noise that eventually bust the door from the closet off the tracks. Mr Beats video grew louder and louder. In the chaos, I stood still. I couldn't move an inch. I snapped out of the paralysis, and lit the fuse to ignite Brady's demise, the fireworks and other explosives. I grabbed the berettas and took aim at the tablet.

"You know not who you trifle with. The power within me is great. I am using all of it to smite you for your kinslaying of me." Mr Beast creaked. I thought to myself that I didn't kill Brady, my parents did by killing the plug. I didn't think that speaking that thought would advance my position in this situation so I instead started shooting him at the illusion of him and Mr Beast, amalgamated, that appeared before the tablet. I emptied every mag that I had into that ghost and Jimmy (I'm sad to think about the ramifications of this on my title as Acolyte of Beast). In the time it took me to empty 8 extended mags of silver bullets, every firework, fart/smoke/shrapnel/ghost-killing bombs and other explosives were set off and filling the room with smoke. Somehow, due to ghost magic of some sort, the room was unscathed except for the tablet which lay obliterated on the bed I would soon sleep on top of (hell no im not cleaning shit idgaf i got some fortnite to play bruh). https://archive.org/details/Ween2000-12-30/Ween2000-12-30d1t10.flac

After this experience, I felt the presence that watched me leave and I knew that Beast Brady had left me and was no longer haunting me. After that foray happened, I took some time to live in the woods off the grid to remember what life felt like and then boarded a plane to France and ultimately through many busrides and boat rides ended up in China. From there, I trekked across the vast country side to get to an airport and come back to Texas. After that experience, I'm sure I no longer and being haunted and thus can continue to spout truth for yall.