DR. LEGUMES SCIENTIFIC DISCOVERIES

    Hello all, 

   Friends who truly know me know that I've been interested in the physical and mental forces that control this world for a long time. This has led me to be a man of science. I've been doing my work in secret for years now, and I finally believe I have something concrete enough to share with the community. I am showing my Legumies my findings first to test how they will be recieved in scientific journals. I have been performing these experiments on myself and think I will be hailed as a hero in the future for the discoveries I have made. 

    I first discovered this 2 months ago, during a dream. In my dreams, I was in school. I was inside of Mr. Stubbs's room and he was talking about some gay ass english teacher bullshit. (I suspect Brady was gay although he would always deny it but I guess we will never know. I have a gay brother so I can call my english teacher gay). I was then called into the nurse's office and I was like alright. I went in there and the nurse said that she had to examine me. I was really scared she was going to say I have cancer but she said I was fine and that I should go to the Principal's office. I really didn't want to but I had to so I went. It was a long walk because the hallways were really long in the dream and I also was afraid that I was going to be finally caught as the person who shits in urinals and lockers. But it wasn't that at all, IT WAS SO MUCH COOLER!!! Instead of the usual old ass receptionist, there was a woman with very large gazongas. I asked her what they needed me in the office for and where the old receptionist was. The principal came out and said "Cameron, touch the boobies of this woman." She took her shirt off and there was a smaller shirt underneath but I could see her large things through the shirt better. I woke up. At that moment, I noticed my underwear were wet. I looked down and saw white stuff. I had no idea where it came from since I didn't pee it cause it was not pee. I immediately started hypothesizing and came up with my first theory about the source of this liquid. It smelled like mcdonalds and tasted like slime. I assumed that somehow, someone placed some slime in my underwear during my sleep, and the presence of it caused me to wake up before I saw the womans bazingas. My first guess was a wizard casting a slime spell in my underwear during my sleep but that is not scientific enough for me. I am a man of science after all and don't believe in wizards or ghosts unless I am alone in the dark. 

    To test out my theory, I kept a small sample of the slime in a jar. I then tried to recreate the slime using household objects to test if it was really slime. I was able to get pretty close but none of the slimes smelled like mcdonalds. I rode my bike to mcdonalds and got some whoppers and fries in order to try and add some of the food's essence to the slime. At first, I placed slime around the burger which was a failed test. I did the same thing with my fries and had similarly bad results. I then had a devious plan to incorporate the ingredients into a single slime. Using the mortar and pestle my mom uses to make guacamole, I was able to grind up the french fries into a paste. It was a little wet so I sprinkled in some salt to try and dry it out. It worked. I tasted the essence of the french fries and was happier than I could have expected. There was a certain saltiness in the original sample that I didn't notice at first. However, upon frequent tastings, I was able to elucidate a salty quality that I didn't pick up on at first. I knew I was on to something important. At this point, I placed the whoppa burger into the mortar (after removing the essence of fry) and started grinding away. I pounded the burger for hours but it did not break down like I predicted. It refuses to turn into a paste, and instead, kept turning into smaller balls. I kept on despite my setback and was able to get the whopper ground into a fine powder. At this point, I accidentally tipped over the mortar using the pestle and breathed in the whopper particles. I knew I had struck gold since it tasted like I just ate a whopper. I breathed in whopper dust and it tasted like burger. Thankfully, ~1/2 of the whopper essence was still in the mortar. I decided I was finally able to go for it and try to make the slime I found in my pants. I combined the essences in the mortar and added my closest slime approximation. I ground and pounded and surfed and turfed until the slime had fully integrated the essence of mcdonalds into itself. It was time. I grabbed my lucky spoon and placed some slime upon it's tip. I shook with anticipation. I placed the spoon into my mouth and knew my science had paid off. It tasted exactly like the contents inside my underwear. I did it. I had cracked the code. Now, it was time to figure out who created this slime and placed it inside of my underwear while I was asleep (arguably a much larger and harder to find piece of the puzzle).

    The slime revelation rejuvenated me. I had spent about a week straight trying out different slime combinations to try and get one that most resembled my specimen. I didn't go to school either and spent all my time on slime because I had school off due to Brady's death. I also had played a large amount of Fortnite Battle Royale during my breaks. In essence, my main job became replicating the slime whilst I played Fortnite and got dubs to alleviate the stress of recreating the slime. I managed to use dish soap, borax and other materials alongside the essence of mcdonalds to perfect the slime fully. During the time I spent perfecting my slime, I pondered how the slime would enter my skivvies. I gained no insight during this time. My best guess, as mentioned before, was that a woman weaseled her way into my bedroom and placed the slime inside my underwear. I had a hard time believing this since I don't talk to girls really. Also, there were no signs of anyone breaking into my room or house. I reluctantly succumbed to the realization that I had no idea how this stuff got into my underwear - I had no leads either.

    This leads me to today, where I am continuing to pursue leads in order to solve this mystery. I had turned my spotlight towards monsters as the culprit of my underwear soiling. Monsters like Dracula and Wolfman have powers that I do not fully understand, and I believe these powers were used to cause my skivvies to have mcdonalds slime in them. I'm unsure of who and why caused this but am confident I will find the solution due to the weekly podcast I am starting. Through this podcast, another scientist and I will examine monsters and our lives in relation to them. It's very Lynchian and artistic actually. My youtube channel is @megamonstermash and I will be uploading Dr. Cameron Legumes The Mega Monster Mash Variety Power Hour 3000 there whenever I feel like it. You can follow my scientific discoveries there and definitely should. If you subscribe to this blog you definitely should LIKE AND SUBSCRIBE TO MY YOUTUBE SO I CAN BUY SOME MORE RED STRIPES!