WHERE DO I FIND 55 GALLON METAL DRUMS

    I am currently involved in some activities and enterprises that require the use of a 55 gallon metal drum. I cannot disclose what I am involved with because I am not a person who tells tall tales. My boss gave me the instructions to find a lot of these barrels for an entrepreneurial opportunity, and I am at a loss for where to get some. He told me to get these barrels like 2 weeks ago and I've been telling him that I've been busy because I have been busy with a lot of stuff. But in a broader sense, I was only shirking away from the largest task I've ever been tasked with, procuring various 55 gallon metal drums. 

    This is the hardest thing I have had to do in my long life. I thought that 55 gallon metal drums would be commonplace in Texas since I have seen every homeless person in media ever portrayed warming their hands on a fire placed inside the drum. I think that every 55 gallon metal drum in my area has been co-opted into becoming a firepit, and this largely diminishes the supply of the barrels. And I need a LOT of barrels, like a TON of barrels. This just wont cut it. I've been looking on second hand sites like Facebook Marketplace and Etsy and Ebay and Depop. I have had no success on these sites. I have actually had a surprising amount of success on Craigslist but only one of my many attempts was successful at gaining a 55 gallon metal barrel. The first listing I answered wanted me for my body and didn't even have any 55 gallon metal drums. The second listening I answered was for a massage and not relating whatsoever to the barrels.

     I thought that a beautiful woman was waiting to give me a free massage off of Craigslist but I was sorely mistaken. I travelled on my bike 3.7 miles in the winter. The roads were iced but I managed to keep myself on the straight and narrow and make it to the house of my mystery masseuse. I was given the instructions to "enter through the door and go downstairs - take your clothes off, put a towel on and wait on the table". So I enter the house through the door and immediately head down the stairs. There was not a light switch present and the house was lit with candles. They were not scented candles because the house had the distinct smell of wood rot. I guess the candles could have been wood scented, I didn't check to see. The basement was small. I wish I could guess the size of rooms better, but I am pretty bad at it. I would say it was 10x10, about the size of a dorm room that you are surprised 2 people can share without being a little bit gay. A woman stood about 1 foot above me. She said nothing. I could feel the tension in the room, but my Legume blood would not allow me to speak. She instructed me to take off my clothes and put on a towel, and she exited the room via the stairs. I was in no place to object so I followed her instructions. As I slipped my skivvies off and felt the winter wind flow over my bare balls, I heard a cough in the wall. Inside the wall, a man coughed. I glanced around the candlelit room for any doors. The compact room held no seams in the walls. How was a man in the walls? Who is he? Where is the tall woman who is about to massage me? I did not wait to find out. I ran out of the house so fast that I forgot my dang old clothes on the ground! In my towel, I unlocked my bike from the rain gutter it was tied around for safety and started my return trek. I was immediately freezing since I was wearing nothing but a towel. I can still feel the cold seat on my gooch if I think too hard about it. I slipped a lot on the way home on my bike and ate shit a lot. I had no shoes so I was unable to pedal as confidently, and I quickly became cold, battered and bruised. I got home and Brady was not. too. happy.

    

    After that, I had many more uneventful Craigslist meetings since no one had the 55 gallon metal drums I was searching for. And I started searching for massages on Tinder instead of Craigslist. So if anyone has any information on where to find these 55 gallon metal drums for my enterprise, I would love the advice! My only other option left is to steal the converted firepits from the homeless population and I would prefer to not have to stoop to that level!

    I just need a single barrel and look what these fuckers are doing to them!!