SPAGHETTI DREAMS

 Hello all,

Chris Legume here again. I am here writing today to talk about some dreams I've been having recently. As the title suggests, I am having a large amount of spaghetti dreams. Many of you may be unfamiliar with the concept of spaghetti dreams. A spaghetti dream is a term I coined to describe a dream where it feels like your mouth is full of spaghetti the whole time - that is the unifier of all spaghetti dreams. They have been haunting me for as long as I can remember, likely before. My first ever memory is from when I was 3. I woke up screaming because I had a dream where I was at the zoo and was looking at a giraffe and it felt like I had spaghetti in my mouth and was hyper realistic. I reached inside my maw to take out the spaghetti...there was nothing there. At that moment, I woke up and was screaming so loud that I broke all of the glass in my room. That should terrify you Chris, because my first memory is of darkness and fear. Emotions you soon will experience since you are already under my thumb (also those jokes about Liam from One Direction you posted on snapchat were way too early and very offensive and you should be ashamed of yourself.)

Recently, my spaghetti dreams always involve me inside of a clown car. I'm not scared of clowns or anything, but their cars terrify me. A small car like that is too much for me to handle. I am driving this clown car with spaghetti in my mouth... or what I think is spaghetti. I am driving down the highway, hands at 10 and 2 and I am unable to see what is inside my spaghetti mouth. I take my hands off the car wheel to take the spaghetti out and...there's no spaghetti or anything else inside my mouth and it still feels like spaghetti with sauce is there. I keep driving since there is nothing to do, and I wake up screaming terrified of the phantom spaghetti. 

Phantom spaghetti has started to plague me in real life as well. Although I am not dreaming, the distinct feeling of spaghetti in my mouth persists...even though there is no spaghetti in my mouth. I wish that is was oreos or something instead of spaghetti in my mouth feeling but you just can't always get what you want. I'm going to start spreading awareness about spaghetti dreams and their potential consequences if you do not avoid them at all costs because every day is a challenge for me...even as I'm typing this with baited breath and spaghetti mouth...but no spaghetti inside my mouth. If I happened to have any enemies, I would inflict this pain upon them by kidnapping them and placing impossible quantities of spaghetti with sauce in their mouth. Luckily, I have no one like that in my life. To end off this blog guys go support Lorne Michaels he is having a real rough time right now. And also keep Brady in your prayers because he has stopped responding in his comatose state and displays no signs of brain activity. Toodaloo! 

Here is a photo of Brady I took from when my parents made me go to the hospital to see him. He looks pretty good and healthy!