A PLAGUE EXISTS ON 34TH STREET

    Famine. Pestilence. War. Death. These words follow Chris Newman. This person is the embodiment of "Sometimes a book should be judged by it's cover". I hold him in worse regard than my old dog Barnie who got old and bit me so we had to put him down. He was constantly pooping everywhere and pissing everywhere and he slept at the foot of my bed so it was just a really not fun time for me. But Chris Newman is worse. Chris is one of Satan's soldiers sent down to Earth to destroy the order of life. He opposes all that is good. I have included a photo of him below to show everyone the coward that has been harassing the good people of this world like Lorne and I. He doesn't live on a mountain. He was raised by cats and has a tragic backstory surrounding them and I will concede that. My bad for bringing up how that woman poisoned your family with antifreeze because she believed in mass cat euthanasia. That doesn't negate how much you need to kiss my ass.

  Jack Kerouac on that beat my prose rn is like a mullet with a shaved back, business all around. ITS A BAD DAY FOR CHRISSY NEWMAN EVERYBODY! He claims the reason he wears those joggers is because of his massive hips and I will also concede that because it is proven that is how bodies react to antifreeze ingestion. I don't blame you Chris, your family ate it and antifreeze smells so good! I have drank and huffed some gasoline and paint in my time so I totally get it. But even with his monsterish hips (Hey, I have a Halloween costume idea for you and your hips Chris, you should wear a black morphsuit and if you turn your feet completely sideways, you silhouette will be two guys with boners standing ass to ass), he wears a diaper because he pees himself a lot due to his inability to control his bowels. It's not so much the diaper that I am offended by as much as it is the lying. It shows a solid lack of character from him. Furthermore, he beat me up and I peed myself because he surprised me and drop kicked me in the bladder, causing me to pee. But that was a one time thing, unlike Chrissy.

I reported the blog of Chissy the Beast because it strongly reeks of a terrorist. I believe Osama Bin Laden had a similar page before he began his terror campaign - they found that and Hatsune Miku on his laptop when they raided his compound or some shit. I won't even glorify ChrisNewmanLibertarian and drop the website because I won't condone such psychological violence. I will instead drop more information on his days at school and the gossip surrounding him and his family. 

One time in school he went into the bathroom that was inside of the classroom in kindergarten and he peed with the door open and pulled down his pants so everyone saw his butt. 

One time he was playing 4 Square and there were a lot of people playing but when he got into 4 he added a bunch of rules like Unlimited Touches and No Outs. Everyone would leave immediately and go to a different court and play with the old rules again. 

One time he wore khakis to school and dribbled a little pee on them.

He read Dork Diaries. 

He asked a girl to a Homecoming with a sign involving a corndog.

One time we played his team in baseball and he ran into the dugout and his hips got caught on the fence and he fell into the dugout and we played the night after the middle school team so there was a lot of sunflower seeds on the floor that coated his sweat covered body.

One time he said he drank coffee and it made him high which shows his bad moral character.

His favorite song is My Way by Calvin Harris. 

    This guy is bad news and you should disregard anything he says. He is like a swarm of locusts descending upon a fallow field. He is the Emerald Ash Borer. He needs to get got. I am actively working to find his address to send a ballistic missile there. I haven't figured out the ballistic missile part yet but I'll cross that bridge when I get there. THIS GUY IS WEIRD AND SHOULD BE DISREGARDED AS A NONPERSON AND ADJUNCT TO BAD PEOPLE LIKE BIKER GANGS!!!