A GLIMPSE INTO MY BRIEF ABSENCE

 Hello all,

    I am writing here to explain my absence. I know a lot of you are having Cameron Legume withdrawals and I'm back and better than ever. To explain my long departure from Bart Harley Jarvis World, I first have to explain how I write my posts. I post from my closet that I have hung up led lights in and cool posters to create a posting room because I share a room with my younger brother Brady Legume. Our clothes are now out of the closet and are kinda just in the room but I am free to post again. Brady would annoy the fuck out of me by kicking the bottom of my bed using his feet because we sleep in a bunkbed. It's so hard to type freely like my hero Jack Kerouac when Brady is kicking the shit out of my butt by proxy. So I had to move my writing from on top of the world in my bed to on the floor like a serf. Which is what I am in the house with all my chores but that is another issue. Anyways Brady can't get in here or else I stab him with some thumbtacks I glued to the end of a ruler. Thank you Mankind for the inspiration. So he can't really fuck with me in here except for kicking the doors of the closet. I don't really have anything to combat that. Any suggestions would be much appreciated. 

    Another obstacle keeping me away from the thrill of the post was my Google Pixel phone. Somehow I got a virus and I had to delete the virus and I was freaking out and somehow the virus just got into the phone and like infected it all and I had to take matters into my own hands and destroy my phone using a brick. My parents were very mad so I had to buy my own refurbished phone and I got a Blackberry Bold refurbished and the only apps I can download are snake and pandora so far. I have to go on the internet app and look up this website to type anything. It is a pretty small screen so it kinda is hard to type, but I definitely have hit a Kerouac-like cadence and flow that has never happened to me BECAUSE OF STUPID FUCKING BRADY!!!!

    So yeah now I'm back posting again and should be good to let the world know what I think. I am have been considering of thinking about downloading the Blogspot app on Brady's tablet because my eyes are truthfully in excruciating pain from just writing for 4 minutes on my Blackberry Bold refurbished (I am going to paint this phone gold with spray paint soon). The only problem is that I will need to work out some to be able to consistently overpower Brady for his tablet. I also am concerned about the siege he will lay upon The Posting Zone when I am in here writing about life. He has used stink bombs on me before. He has used sand on me before. He has poisoned me before. I must be prepared to find out what Brady will curse me with whenever I take the tablet that is rightfully mine as the first boy. Even if I am physically uninjured, what will the quality of my texts be if I cannot enter the Hemmingway Zone when writing my blog. I thought that I was writing this post with answers for you all listening, but I guess that I am actually just filled with questions that I need to ponder.

    I think I need to learn some wrestling moves to put Brady into his place. I can do a simple wristlock and headlock but he always bops me on the head and chops me really hard so I really am not a fan. I think I need to learn some of the moves from my favorite wrestler Rob Van Dam (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Meg5aqe8RBU). RVD my goat has swagger which I really need. I think Brady could get beat up and come back to face me later when he has powered up cause I can't really get him too bad cause of my parents. But if I beat me with swagger and point to myself and do amazing acrobatics I think he would be very demoralized. Brady could never ever speak to me again if I hit a frogspash like RVD - complete with a full folding and extension of my limbs just before I land on Brady's limp body. I would wrestle like RVD because there is a lot of acrobatics possible with my bunk bed setup. Brady won't know what hit him! Well, I'll tell ya!

B ! D ! L ! 

  I think I'm gonna sign off and go train so I can batter Brady up and demoralize him and claim the tablet that is rightfully mine as the first boy. I need to learn how to hit a Van Daminator using a real steel chair and destroy Brady once and for all.